Bloody England, Spike's version
by palmtoptiger13
Summary: 'ello loves, it's Spike here, and i'm going to answer all your questions... You write me a leter or a question, and i will answer it. Look out, it's the big bad wolf.
1. Chapter 1

'ello mates, it's Spike here. I've been thinking about doing this for a while, having you write me letters . I realized I have a fan base, all those yanks out there (I know because I'm undead!) . Well then loves, feel free to write me any letters or questions you like. Who knows, you might just learn things.

*Note, for all those die harts, I know Spike's not in Buffy any more, but I figured I would get more reviews this way. Remember, leave me a review /letter, and my good friend Spike will get back to you as soon as possible.

P.S. Spikes lazy, so we won't be updating every day.


	2. Chapter 2

Dear Spike

i am one of the popular girls in my school and i kinda like one of the freaks in our school. ik this is going to sound cliche but i am really girly and he is like goth-ish but rlly nice. i told one of my friends and she laughed at me. wht the heck do i do.

Daria

Well love,

As you know I've had so many bloody relationships in my life. I consider myself an expert. I really don't think I should be telling you what to do. If you truly love this person, then go for it. Just remember, you'll face pain if that person doesn't feel the same way about you. A certain slayer (who shall stay anonymous), ripped my heart in a bloody two. So in re-cap, it's not my decision, if you love them go for it, and be prepared to want to rip your heart out.

-Spike

P.S. It shouldn't matter what those yanks think! It your bloody life! Good luck.


	3. Chapter 3

Dear Spike

long time no see. you wouldnt remember me but you dated my sister a LONG time ago! and she tried to stake me yesterday! and i ummm sorta ripped her head off (good ridience). now her boy friend thtis some sort of kick but deon want me dead! should i take him on and hope for the best or just stay in hiding) (pesonally i would geta heck of a whole lot of pleaser ripping his head offf he was such a jerk). and i i kill him i should make it slow and painful right.

-Damon (my soelling sucks cause i was changed when i was 13)

P.S. are the rumor true have you gone saft and fallen for a slayer!

Damon

Damon? Oh bollix. Hey squirt, you killed her? Personally I'm fine with that, you shouldn't be. Even though you're dead, doesn't mean you shouldn't like your sister. Just kidding, that girl ruined my life, just like that dam slayer! Kill the brute! I would do it myself for the satisfaction, but I have that dam sole now. Be easy on him though, do something that will be fast, but fun to watch. And no, I haven't gone soft for a slayer, NEVER AGAIN!

-Spike


	4. Chapter 4

Dear Spike,

i dont know wat to ask. so im going to make a random list.

what is your zodiac sign?

can you do the soulja boy?

do you use hair products?

whats your favorite movie?

whats your fav. song?

wats you fav. smell?

if i came up to you in the street an hugged you would you kill me?

do you secretly wanna be hugged?

do you still write depressing poetry?

what are you wearing?

would you tell buffy if you were gay?

do you like eggs?

do you like sponge bob?

can you cook?

do you want to be unda da sea?

do you have a good poker face?

do you like to poke ppl?

can you do a jamacian accent?

do you like rats?

do you dream about flyin?

what is you fav color?

-serena

do you think your hot?

Well Serena, (I'm lazy, so I will be answering in lines)

I'm so old I don't know anymore

No

No, my hair is naturally this color

The notebook (I love a good cry)

Satisfaction

Dirt and Buffy's perfume

No, I wouldn't

Yes

Only when I'm drunk

Slacks and a shirt

I don't talk to her anymore so no

I'm dead, I don't like food

I don't like annoying yellow things

No need to

All the time

Yes, I always win the kittens

No!

I'm British, so no

Yes

Yes

Blood red

Of course

-Spike


	5. Chapter 5

Dear Spike,

Why do you bid with KITTENS in Poker? I mean C'mon! Kittens probably don't taste good! Why not like Chicken or Baby Gacnars?

Eternal Love~ Lilbat54

Dear littlebat54,

As I said in my last update, I'm dead so I have no need to eat. You cannot tell anyone this, but I set them free after I win them. I always think, why the bloody hell am I doing this? But afterword I always get this warm fuzzy feeling. I guess you could say, I'm a Bit of a softy when it comes to animals.

-Spike


	6. Chapter 6

Omg! spike, you're like my role model! i'm totally in love with you! you'll probly hate me when you hear this, but imma potential slayer.

I have some questions:

does it bother you that angel uses nancy boy hair gel?

does it bother you that buffy liked his nancy boy hair gel?

do u like kitties?

wats ur fav band?

why r u blonde?

have u ever wanted to be regular-like, not a vamp?

do u like poker that much?

have u ever wanted 2 be a wizard?

are u jealous of harry pottter? i mean, u got a show, but he got 8 movies.

do u think i'm cool?

Jayde

Dear Jayde,

Just because you're a potential, doesn't mean I hate you. I only hate one slayer and we all know who she is…

Yes

Yes

Maybe…

Lincoln Park

Blonde makes a statement in my opinion

Of course

Not really

Of course not!

Yes! All he does is wave a stick around, when I actually have to physically fight the bad guys.

Um sure….? What's that supposed to mean?


End file.
